Pricey Annie: I really like studying your recommendation, and boy, do I ever want some now! About 20 years in the past, my mother-in-law turned hooked on medication, each prescription and unlawful, as a technique to take care of unresolved childhood trauma. In consequence, her marriage to my father-in-law fell aside, and, whereas not legally divorced, they have not spoken to one another in over a decade.
Throughout this time, she has bounced round from one residence to a different. It is typically the houses of different members of the family or mutual pals who all have reported the identical factor as soon as they kick her out: She steals and is all the time drunk or excessive.
Her personal mom begged us to take her in once we have been newlyweds 17 years in the past as a result of she was stealing all of her prescription treatment. Though we have mentioned this together with her a number of occasions, she blames all of her issues on her husband or her childhood and takes no duty for her state of affairs.
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She has visited us a number of occasions a 12 months throughout our marriage, and we have been very clear with drawing boundaries about her conduct when she is round our youngsters. They love her, and till not too long ago, we have all the time had very good, temporary visits (besides when she stole painkillers from me after I gave start).
Her final go to, nevertheless, was the go to from hell. We ended up looking her room for medication, and he or she ruined my daughter’s baptism — and fully humiliated me in entrance of my pals from church — together with her drunken, drug-induced antics.
She has as soon as once more been requested to go away somebody’s home and is now staying “for a month or so” together with her sister, who we care deeply about and isn’t in good well being. I worry the stress of getting my mother-in-law residing together with her will additional trigger her sister’s well being to say no.
We need to assist her sister by discovering my mother-in-law some place else to reside, however my husband and I are adamant that her residing with us could be detrimental to our children’ bodily, psychological and emotional well-being, to not point out hectic on our marriage. My husband’s solely sibling, who has no kids, lives outdoors the nation, and his spouse refuses to let her reside with them. I perceive her refusal and don’t blame her for it.
So the query is, what do you do with an aged drug addict who has completely no cash (she blows each dime on medication) of her personal? Dwelling with us could be detrimental, however I am unable to reside together with her being homeless on my conscience both.
Thanks for any recommendation you can provide. — Daughter-In-law on Drug Obligation
Pricey Daughter-in-law on Drug Obligation: Your mother-in-law could be very, very sick and desires assist. However neither you nor anybody in your loved ones is a skilled skilled who may also help her. So relieve your self of the burden of being on obligation, and hunt down assist recommendation from skilled remedy facilities. The place she must reside shouldn’t be on the streets however in a rehabilitation heart till she cleans up and will get assist. I’d additionally encourage you and your husband to attend Al-Anon conferences as a way to higher perceive the character of her illness.
Ship your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.
