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by Doug McIntyre
Name me Lazarus.
Final Thursday, a small group of mates, household and associates believed I is perhaps useless. I’m not useless. I do know that can come as a disappointment to “Ralph from Sunland,” a habitually offended reader of this column, however details are details.
In my different life as a morning drive radio gasbag I’m required to stand up at 3:40 AM, two hours earlier than the daybreak, one hour earlier than this newspaper plops within the driveway. I’ve been doing this efficiently for a number of a long time till final week when an ideal storm of blunders resulted in all six methods I might be woke up failing.
Sure, I’ve an alarm clock.
The truth is, on the nightstand I’ve a set of alarm clocks, some electrical, others battery powered, all set for 3:40, with one — the doomsday clock — set for 4:30, absolutely the newest I can soar off the bed, throw on pants and drive from my stucco field within the West Valley to the radio station in Culver Metropolis and nonetheless make it on the air by 5:30.
But, in some way, final week each clock both failed or was shortly silenced by my lightening fast reflexes adopted by the deadly resolution to shut my eyes for, “simply 5 minutes.”
At 6:30 the out of doors cat clawed me awake whereas doing a four-paw faucet dance on my chest.
“Go away”, I mumbled, shoving Doug Jr. to the ground. However I blinked myself into semi-consciousness and instantly observed one thing was off — daylight!
I actually stared in disbelief on the clock farm subsequent to the mattress unable to conceive how 5 alarms may fail concurrently. I stumbled off the bed and checked my cellphone nonetheless charging within the different room. 5 voice mails and 11 textual content messages.
“The place are you?” “Haven’t heard from you.” “Name ASAP.” “Are you okay?” And on and on they went, first from my radio present producer, Nathan Baker, then from the boss, after which one from the last word boss, The Spouse, who was in New York tending to her Mom.
“CALL ME!” she wrote in all caps.
With the ringer shut off on the bed room cellphone, and no spouse to poke me awake, Poppa Bear slept via the a number of cellphone calls to the home and it was as much as the cat to do the job of two Westcloxs (one with a double alarm), 2 Seikos, and two clock radios, a Magnavox and a few low cost off-brand no person’s ever heard of. Now the cat usually tries to roust us about 4 AM and must be locked within the storage however, in fact, on the at some point I wanted his assist, Doug Jr. determined to sleep in. No marvel canines are man’s greatest pal.
Shuffling into the hallway I made the primary name to work and jibber-jabbered some sort of apology after which shortly known as The Spouse in New York. “Thank God you’re alright!” she mentioned with a reassuring sincerity, particularly given my paltry entire life insurance coverage coverage. “I gotta run” I mentioned grabbing for my automobile keys earlier than realizing I used to be nonetheless in my pajamas.
And right here’s the place I get to elucidate why it’s an extra-good factor I put on pajamas to mattress.
Standing on the entrance steps peeking via the little window on the high of the door, I noticed my pal Kirk Sullivan trying proper at me. Behind him was our neighbor’s son, Alex, and developing the driveway, my boss’s boss, Daybreak, who had by no means been to my home earlier than and will need to have known as HR to get the handle. That’s when the LAPD arrived. This was no time to be bare.
“I’m tremendous!” “Nothing’s improper!” “I simply overslept!” and different embarrassed yak-yak gushed out.
However slightly being aggravated on the panicky early morning cellphone calls from The Spouse asking them to see if I used to be alive, all of them, even the LAPD, appeared genuinely glad I hadn’t died in mattress from a coronary heart assault or been dismembered in some grizzly TV re-enactment present type homicide.
After all, with the disaster having handed, there was nonetheless the matter of the radio present.
Not like most jobs, it’s onerous to slide in unnoticed once you’re three hours late and host of a radio present known as “McIntyre within the Morning” and also you occur to be McIntyre.
After all, I acquired all of the anticipated ribbing and sarcastic feedback about how the present by no means sounded higher, “thanks for dropping in”, and so forth. Nevertheless, there was one thing else I didn’t anticipate and didn’t respect till now — precise affection.
My co-workers had real concern. They had been truly glad I used to be okay. From The Spouse in New York to the car parking zone man at KABC Radio, there was honest reduction one thing untoward had not occurred and that I had merely over slept.
Day-after-day households and mates get alarming cellphone calls that produce a really completely different end result. Whereas I used to be blissfully counting sheep first-responders shoveled via mud and particles in Santa Barbara County on the lookout for the scores of lacking after final week’s rains produced devastating mudslides. The newest rely is eighteen useless. That quantity is more likely to rise. Each one of many victims leaves behind scores of people that want they may hit the off button on an alarm clock and discover out it was all a nasty dream.
I gained’t quickly overlook the look of concern on the faces of the small crowd gathered on my doorstep or the emotion in The Spouse’s voice when she heard mine. It was like a gown (or undressed) rehearsal for the inevitable day all of us should face. These had been frightened eyes trying via my window. Sometime all this might be humorous however right now I simply really feel fortunate to have so many individuals in my life who cared sufficient to assist.
Doug McIntyre’s column seems Sundays. Hear him weekdays 5-10am (when he doesn’t over-sleep) on AM 790 KABC. He might be reached at: Doug@KABC.com.
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