Monday, September 18, 2023
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NFL Playoffs Championship Video games 2023: 49ers, Eagles, Chiefs, Bengals mascots face off

We’ve all heard the outrageous and hypothetical matchups between members of the animal kingdom. It often begins with one in every of your pals getting a bit too inebriated earlier than they flip to you and ask, “Who do you assume would win in a struggle: 10 silverback gorillas or 1,000 rats?”

After taking a second to remind your self that this individual IS a wise and first rate human being, you resolve to humor them with a reputable reply. That turns into much more questions and that stirs up even additional debate.

Clearly the reply to the aforementioned query is the ten gorillas — and no, I cannot be accepting any counter arguments.

Now, let’s think about this exact same scenario however swap these animals with the mascots for every of the remaining 4 NFL groups taking part in on this weekend’s convention championship video games.

Additionally, by mascots, I imply the literal beings that they symbolize (not the folks in big furry costumes), so the Eagles are an actual eagle and the Bengals are a bonafide tiger. Cool, proper? I believed so.

With out additional ado, let’s get to the story of the tape.

NFC Championship: 49ers vs. Eagles

Fighter: Sourdough Sam, a miner from 1849 who trekked throughout the nation for the possibility to strike it wealthy in Northern California
Top: 5’8
Weight: 140 kilos
Weapon of alternative: A rusty pickaxe that’s seen higher days


Fighter: A bald eagle bursting on the seams with freedom
Top: 3 foot (6-foot-5 wingspan)
Weight: 14 kilos
Weapon of alternative: Razor-sharp two-inch talons

Determination: Sourdough Sam by TKO

Finally, I consider this one finally ends up going to Sourdough Sam however not with out a powerful efficiency by the bald eagle.

Within the yr 2023, the common male is sort of a bit bigger than over 170 years in the past — they usually’d nonetheless possible be scared out of their minds on the sight of a bald eagle dive-bombing them from above. However these miners have been merely constructed totally different again then. Plus, he has a pickaxe.

I imply, these dudes would merely peace out from their households and WALK themselves all the best way to the west coast for an extremely minuscule probability that they’d MAYBE discover some gold nuggets in a random riverbed. Most people this point in time get huge anxiousness about answering a cellphone name! These prospectors took an unfathomable quantity of risks straight to the chest, which tells me they’d stand agency, pickaxe in hand, ready for the possibility to knock the eagle out of the sky with a well-timed swing.

However let’s stay awake on the eagle’s willpower. Identical to the NFL fan base he represents, this feathered power received’t be saved down by just a few good wallops. So long as he can nonetheless flap his wings, he’ll preserve coming and coming.

However in the long run, Sourdough Sam solely wants one good shot to erase the eagle’s benefit: Mobility. One efficient clip to the wing and it’s recreation over.

AFC Championship: Bengals vs. Chiefs

Fighter: A behemoth Bengal tiger who has most likely by no means identified concern
Top: 10 foot (on their hind legs)
Weight: 500 kilos
Weapon of alternative: Power to crush a cranium in a single swipe


Fighter: A grey wolf with immeasurable confidence to go at this alone
Top: 5’0 (on their hind legs)
Weight: 145 kilos
Weapon of alternative: An awesome want to guard its territory

Determination: Bengal tiger in an amazing victory

I want I may make this one a bit extra attention-grabbing, however you need to assume this goes to the tiger in a landslide. The Bengal is sort of 4 instances as heavy and twice the dimensions of the wolf, who usually would solely tackle such an opponent like this with its pack behind him. On this case, he’s flying solo.

One may assume that the wolf’s smaller measurement implies that’s he’s additionally extra cell and evasive. This truly isn’t the case. A tiger can attain speeds as quick as 40 miles per hour, which is greater than sufficient to match, and even outpace, his enemy.

When you have been to Google the query, “What number of wolves may take down a tiger?” you’d get quite a lot of solutions starting from 5 or 6 wolves to nicely over 15 to twenty. One remark thread relating to this very matter on features a story from Siberia the place a single tiger was supposedly attacked by a whole wolf pack. The tiger killed 12 of the wolves and left the scuffle alive.

I went on to study that in locations the place each tigers and wolves co-exist, the tigers are literally at fault for killing wolves to close extinction!

If there was ever a lop-sided struggle throughout the animal kingdom, that is it!

Rafael Gomes de Azevedo
Rafael Gomes de Azevedo
He started his career as a columnist, contributing to the staff of a local blog. His articles with amusing views on everyday situations in the news soon became one of the main features of the current editions of the blog. For the divergences of thought about which direction the blog would follow. He left and founded three other great journalistic blogs,, and With a certain passion for writing, holder of a versatile talent, in addition to coordinating, directing, he writes fantastic scripts quickly, he likes to say that he writes for a select group of enthusiasts in love with serious and true writing.


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