Pricey Annie: We’re grandparents who’ve adopted our twin 9-year-old grandchildren, a boy and a lady. They’ve lived with us completely since they have been 2 years outdated. They’ve separate bedrooms upstairs however have all the time slept collectively. The previous yr, they’ve chosen to sleep on the primary ground within the visitor bed room. It’s on the level of their lives the place they’ll quickly develop into puberty, so throughout the previous two months we’ve been making an attempt to get them to sleep upstairs in their very own bedrooms.
Each evening, we discover them in the course of the ground in varied locations: lavatory ground upstairs, closet ground downstairs, spare bed room downstairs, on a sofa or collectively in our grandson’s mattress.
We now have made efforts to make their rooms particular: shopping for radios for his or her music; having them select their very own paint colours and evening lights; including particular “comfortable” posters, new beds & bedding with tender, cozy blankets; letting them sleep with their stuffed animals; and studying to them individually every evening.
Individuals are additionally studying…
We kiss them goodnight, inform them we love them and say, “candy goals” however each evening they get up in any respect hours and relocate. Once we get up throughout the evening, we chase them again into their beds however nonetheless discover them some place else later. We now have talked to them quite a few instances to permit them to specific their fears — darkness, ghosts, no matter — and we’ve tried to supply useful solutions.
We now have rewarded them with particular privileges and treats on the three nights after they really stayed upstairs, regardless that they didn’t keep in their very own beds. We now have additionally taken away privileges: no sleepovers with pals, no campouts. (We allow them to camp out on the household room ground on weekends.)
They do a number of issues individually throughout the days, have separate pals, separate actions and separate school rooms. Please assist us as we’re all shedding sleep over this life transition. — Bedtime Assist Wanted
Pricey Bedtime Assist: Nobody ever mentioned parenting was straightforward, and also you and your husband are experiencing a very troublesome problem. You’re smart grandparents to acknowledge the hazard of their sleeping collectively as brother and sister as they start to undergo puberty.
You took all the suitable steps through the use of a reward system initially, and, when that didn’t work, imposing destructive penalties for his or her actions. Since that’s nonetheless not working, it’s time to hunt the assistance of knowledgeable therapist as you and your grandchildren modify to this new transition in life.
Heading foreseeable issues off on the move is all the time a superb step to take.
Pricey Annie: My letter is about getting older and manners towards the aged.
I used to be at a retailer just lately and on the brink of stroll out, pushing my cart. On the similar time, there was a younger woman pushing the cart for her mom as they have been leaving the shop. The mom stopped the cart and mentioned to her daughter, “At all times let older folks go first.”
I used to be insulted. However then I got here to comprehend that the mom was educating her daughter a lesson on respecting her elders. So many individuals don’t respect their elders, and I used to be glad to see this mom educating her little one to take action. Bless this mom. — One other Ageing Particular person
Pricey One other Ageing Particular person: Your letter reveals that you’re a very considerate particular person. When feeling insulted by a remark, most individuals get indignant and need to retaliate. However you stopped to consider it, and also you noticed the optimistic within the mom’s remark — that she was making an attempt to show her daughter an necessary lesson about respecting her elders. By taking the time to know the mom’s motive, you’ve taught all of us a worthwhile lesson.
Ship your questions for Annie Lane to email@example.com.